i just got home... really tired and.. hungry.. haha.. anyway... i saw a movie with mica and mhayer and met with ciara afterwards.... mhy followed too... had a couple of beers and just hung out and talked. i missed being with friends... inspite of all our asaran about cia's special attitude at times (hehe ![]()
) i actually missed her. i missed talking to her. coz i remember, she really was a good listener and had a lot of sense, i used to talk to her before about a lot of things that bothered me especially about love matters until we all just got too busy.. that sucks but it's understandable.. they are after all graduating and it's sad that this is our last year together... how i wish i was also graduating with them too but sad to say i won't be because of my stupidity in the past which i have regretted and paid for already... now im just trying to make up for all the mistakes and lost time I've had since i entered college..
i know what was wrong with me back then... that last semester was surely hell for me and dre and that's another challenge for us both... buti nalang for her it's her first time to experience that, and at least she's lucky that that's her only problem... me kasi, i've experienced being out of school and making career or course changes so it was really really hard for me to accept the first decision that i would have to file an LOA for this semester... i was thinking then that maybe i wasn't really meant to graduate at all, coz why was it happening to me all over again, and that maybe i was just really really dumb and i really didn't deserve to stay in the course... siyempre pa self-esteem nanaman natamaan sakin diba... and it was so hard to rise up and fight after all the mean things said to me by the chair and the professors.... i'm so lucky to have my mom, despite her nagging, i know how much she means to me and how important she is in my life. she backed me up with everything that happened and became my support system telling me not to give up and fight because she believed in me... and that's when i started believing in myself again... and she was also part of the reason why i could not accept their first decision on my case, because i couldnt' bear putting her and my dad again through another episode of my failure in my studies where i'd have to stop school again and be all rebellious and confused once more... they didn't deserve that.... plus, i know that i really really worked hard in my studies especially last semester because i was really aiming to finish everything and graduate faster, coz i've been in college overtime already and though i know that things like that happen, there's a part of me that can't forgive myself for it... coz i know that i wasn't really a mediocre student when i was younger, and i knew i could have done better if only i tried harder... but then, im just human and i make mistakes and the important thing is i learn from them...
So now the thing that's bothering me about school is my thesis i have to do on my own... because of the chance i was given, i feel there's more that's expected of me,,, that i have to work twice as hard to prove to them that i really do deserve to stay in the department and that im really good and i really want this career. because i honestly do and i believe that someday I'll get over my extreme timidity and be good at this... hehe..![]()
and it's hard because i know how the professors think of me and dre, and i just feel that they're gonna make it hard for us... for me and im scared of that... another thing, is my friendship with dre... the things those professors said about us, their unfair judgment and their decisions i feel have affected my relationship with her.... i didn't intentionally say anything bad about her to them, in fact i wasn't even the one who thought about the idea of asking her to admit that she didn't do her part on our activities, the chair was the one who came up with that... i remember telling her that i feel so bad about getting the stupid grades i got because i honestly worked hard for my projects staying up late at night and getting all stressed out about having to finish all of them... and i explained how dre was busy with other things and her concerns which the chair supposedly knew about because they have spoken to each other even before. the sad thing is, she didn't understand her or me... and she twisted things. i felt so bad when she looked at my grades and said that my grades were high and only last semester did they dropped down and was it because i started hanging out with dre,... that's not true.. the sem. was just really hard for us, and dre was just really busy with her issues and yea i admit there were times that i got pissed off because instead of helping me she was busy with her bazaar, i understood her and never took it against her... but then, i don't know what they told dre, i cleared the things she told me, but of course i wouldn't know everything so i don't know what else she was told because i know they said things that my mom supposedly said that were so not true...
I just... well, until now i feel bothered about it... and i feel guilty..![]()
but i hope dre understands me and has more faith in our friendship than that,.. coz i feel really sad about it and i don't want anything to jeopardize our friendship. coz since she's stopped going to school , i've missed her a lot and our tunganga moments... coz out of all of my barkada in school, she's the one who got me the most. ![]()
and who i could talk to about nonsense to the more serious stuff around.. so i just miss her,... i mean, i don't have pam around... not even kay or dy or mica or chuchay or kitch, and she's always been there for me thru the whole college life... and i'm just.. well.. sad... so i just really hope nothing changes with us and that next year, we'll be back to normal again... ![]()
add to that pa mhayer and pat.. sigh... i hope they fix up their issues... i greeted pat merry christmas and i said sorry and thank u again but he didn't text back... well, he doesn't really text people back so i didn't really expect anything,... it really doesn't even matter that he didn't coz i just really wanted to greet him and let him know how i felt, mhayer texted him also... i still don't know what he's mad at us for, but whatever it is, we're sorry and we wish things would just get back to normal...![]()
well... i miss old times and how simple and happy things used to be in the past... but now we're all growing up and things are changing... we're facing more challenges and more serious problems, my friends have become involved in affairs, love triangles, acceptance from companies, part time jobs, and a lot more adult stuff going on... im proud of how much they've grown. how much we all have... i just hope that things get better for all of us, we learn to forgive, forget and let go... and we all could just go back just like before and laugh at all our crazy stories.. and then we can say we've all grown up and matured the way we're supposed to...
so.. this is too long i think. hehe.. sorry, just been thinking since i got home... christmas is quite emotional for me.. hehe.. pray for me folks, that things work out and things get better. oh well... season's greetings to everyone! til next time!![]()
) i actually missed her. i missed talking to her. coz i remember, she really was a good listener and had a lot of sense, i used to talk to her before about a lot of things that bothered me especially about love matters until we all just got too busy.. that sucks but it's understandable.. they are after all graduating and it's sad that this is our last year together... how i wish i was also graduating with them too but sad to say i won't be because of my stupidity in the past which i have regretted and paid for already... now im just trying to make up for all the mistakes and lost time I've had since i entered college..i know what was wrong with me back then... that last semester was surely hell for me and dre and that's another challenge for us both... buti nalang for her it's her first time to experience that, and at least she's lucky that that's her only problem... me kasi, i've experienced being out of school and making career or course changes so it was really really hard for me to accept the first decision that i would have to file an LOA for this semester... i was thinking then that maybe i wasn't really meant to graduate at all, coz why was it happening to me all over again, and that maybe i was just really really dumb and i really didn't deserve to stay in the course... siyempre pa self-esteem nanaman natamaan sakin diba... and it was so hard to rise up and fight after all the mean things said to me by the chair and the professors.... i'm so lucky to have my mom, despite her nagging, i know how much she means to me and how important she is in my life. she backed me up with everything that happened and became my support system telling me not to give up and fight because she believed in me... and that's when i started believing in myself again... and she was also part of the reason why i could not accept their first decision on my case, because i couldnt' bear putting her and my dad again through another episode of my failure in my studies where i'd have to stop school again and be all rebellious and confused once more... they didn't deserve that.... plus, i know that i really really worked hard in my studies especially last semester because i was really aiming to finish everything and graduate faster, coz i've been in college overtime already and though i know that things like that happen, there's a part of me that can't forgive myself for it... coz i know that i wasn't really a mediocre student when i was younger, and i knew i could have done better if only i tried harder... but then, im just human and i make mistakes and the important thing is i learn from them...
So now the thing that's bothering me about school is my thesis i have to do on my own... because of the chance i was given, i feel there's more that's expected of me,,, that i have to work twice as hard to prove to them that i really do deserve to stay in the department and that im really good and i really want this career. because i honestly do and i believe that someday I'll get over my extreme timidity and be good at this... hehe..
and it's hard because i know how the professors think of me and dre, and i just feel that they're gonna make it hard for us... for me and im scared of that... another thing, is my friendship with dre... the things those professors said about us, their unfair judgment and their decisions i feel have affected my relationship with her.... i didn't intentionally say anything bad about her to them, in fact i wasn't even the one who thought about the idea of asking her to admit that she didn't do her part on our activities, the chair was the one who came up with that... i remember telling her that i feel so bad about getting the stupid grades i got because i honestly worked hard for my projects staying up late at night and getting all stressed out about having to finish all of them... and i explained how dre was busy with other things and her concerns which the chair supposedly knew about because they have spoken to each other even before. the sad thing is, she didn't understand her or me... and she twisted things. i felt so bad when she looked at my grades and said that my grades were high and only last semester did they dropped down and was it because i started hanging out with dre,... that's not true.. the sem. was just really hard for us, and dre was just really busy with her issues and yea i admit there were times that i got pissed off because instead of helping me she was busy with her bazaar, i understood her and never took it against her... but then, i don't know what they told dre, i cleared the things she told me, but of course i wouldn't know everything so i don't know what else she was told because i know they said things that my mom supposedly said that were so not true...I just... well, until now i feel bothered about it... and i feel guilty..
but i hope dre understands me and has more faith in our friendship than that,.. coz i feel really sad about it and i don't want anything to jeopardize our friendship. coz since she's stopped going to school , i've missed her a lot and our tunganga moments... coz out of all of my barkada in school, she's the one who got me the most. 
and who i could talk to about nonsense to the more serious stuff around.. so i just miss her,... i mean, i don't have pam around... not even kay or dy or mica or chuchay or kitch, and she's always been there for me thru the whole college life... and i'm just.. well.. sad... so i just really hope nothing changes with us and that next year, we'll be back to normal again... add to that pa mhayer and pat.. sigh... i hope they fix up their issues... i greeted pat merry christmas and i said sorry and thank u again but he didn't text back... well, he doesn't really text people back so i didn't really expect anything,... it really doesn't even matter that he didn't coz i just really wanted to greet him and let him know how i felt, mhayer texted him also... i still don't know what he's mad at us for, but whatever it is, we're sorry and we wish things would just get back to normal...
well... i miss old times and how simple and happy things used to be in the past... but now we're all growing up and things are changing... we're facing more challenges and more serious problems, my friends have become involved in affairs, love triangles, acceptance from companies, part time jobs, and a lot more adult stuff going on... im proud of how much they've grown. how much we all have... i just hope that things get better for all of us, we learn to forgive, forget and let go... and we all could just go back just like before and laugh at all our crazy stories.. and then we can say we've all grown up and matured the way we're supposed to...
so.. this is too long i think. hehe.. sorry, just been thinking since i got home... christmas is quite emotional for me.. hehe.. pray for me folks, that things work out and things get better. oh well... season's greetings to everyone! til next time!
